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July 26, 2016

Builder Mistakes That Will Leave You Baffled

The Lonely Balcony

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Ah, yes, the old “lonely balcony.” Classic rookie mistake. Wait… No, it isn’t! How do you even complete this without realizing something is amiss?!

Or possibly, this might be a nod to the adventurous type, like the random parkour drifter coming through town. You know he has no place to light up in peace, so you offer him your balcony… if he can get to it (he can, btw). But you don’t really want him hanging outside on your balcony, looking into your house. So you have the contractor build a balcony on the second story with no window in sight. Voila! Good deed, check.

Pardon My Sword

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While this might look like a builder mistake, rest assured it is no such thing! Welcome to the Urina Arena, where Richards of all races and creeds can cross swords with the best of ’em.

Just make sure to watch your zip afterwards, you don’t want to anger Bubba when he gets his behemoth stuck in your Levi’s. It was gonna be in your Levi’s regardless, but Bubba would prefer it not be stuck in the zipper.

This Is How Entire Cities Get Buried

 

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Well, at least it looks nice. Points for effort, if not common sense. Actually, even uncommon sense would tell you you’re a frickin’ moron for doing this. Really, who does this? Did you not notice the stairs when building the door, or was the door not visible as you laid down the stairs?

Maybe this is that parkour drifter’s house from earlier, and he’s really not a drifter, but a parkour legend who just happens to dress like a bum and loves to have a house with crazy obstacles. His basement is probably a secret Ninja Warrior training facility, way bigger than you’d expect.

Mistake? Or Strategic Advantage?

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The untrained eye will look at this as a monstrous mistake that sullies the aesthetic of what appears to be a stunningly beautiful neighborhood. But the Art of War connoisseur in me is mindful of the strategic vantage point offered by the two-car garage.

Should a Zombie apocalypse break out, or North Korea send in ground troops like they did in that poor-excuse-for-a-Red-Dawn-remake, your house will be safe with you armed to the teeth on this highest of grounds. The enemy will fall in a blaze of lead from your AR-15.

Starting To See A Pattern Here

 

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This is either a fad, or a concerted effort to trip up as many people as possible. Even the angle and height are the same, but look! There’s variety in how it’s done! Last time, it was stairs, but now, we have a hand bannister. Clever!

On second thought, this builder “mistake” is much more advanced and offers the added death-dealing bonus of having to jump down onto a set of stairs after having had avoided the neck-breaking, 40 degree-angled, hand bannister tripping trap.

Hot Meet Cold

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This mistake might not seem that bad at first, but it does raise a few questions about competence and forethought. You can use one, but not the other. And putting a hot oven besides a cold refrigerator speaks volumes of efficiency.

Does this qualify as “gross negligence?” The judge might side with you, especially if he’s had his own bad experience with a builder!

Ye Olde Impossible Doore

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Why, yes, I am handicapped. And yes, I would looove a challenge, especially when I really have to drop a load. Please, challenge me and stimulate my inner MacGyver.

As an added request, could you provide a place for spectators to sit and enjoy me trying to figure out how to move the bench they’re sitting on out of the way before I crap my pants? I appreciate the opportunity to prove my resourcefulness in the face of adversity. Poop.

The Leaning Tower of WTF

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No one knows what happened here. Not even the guy responsible for this Salvador Dali painting fugitive.

Earthquake? Tornado? Nothing will help explain how this is even possible, let alone how the human imagination could come up with something so surreal. A true testament to insanity and to the fact that builders mess up… often.

Take The Red Pill! Not the Blue One!

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For anyone who’s ever wondered what would have happened if Neo had taken the blue pill from Morpheus, here you go! I would say this project started of well enough and then messed up, but upon closer observation, there is not even one inch of straight line here… not at all!

Hopefully whoever did this has been fired and took up a job as a calligraphy teacher at [insert university known for its humanities department here], because it seems like their penmanship would be exquisite!

Creativity In The Bathroom

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Trying new and exciting things is sometimes good, but often can lead to strange results. Harking back to the toilet shower combo from an earlier slide, this shower bathtub combo begs to ask the question, why not?

Is the reason for this a builder mistake? Or a genius plan to allow one person to shower while another person takes a bath? Or is it an amazingly effective way to get yourself clean, beginning in either the tub or the shower, and then jumping into the other? We’ll never know.

No Inspection Necessary

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This wonderful example of electrical know-how proves that inspections are not necessary and are only a tool used by the government to extort more money from people under the guise of “public safety.”

This is what happens when the entire neighborhood decides to DIY the neighborhood’s electrical grid… with no one at the helm of the wheel! Judging by the wires, there’s a high probability this is somewhere in Thailand, possibly even in Phuket, which would explain the residents’ lackadaisical attitude towards safety.

Bridge From Nowhere to Nowhere

 

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Because, why not? This bridge crossing over a body of water happens to start in the water it’s crossing over, and end in… you guessed it! The same body of water! Like it says at the beginning, “because, why not?”

The bridge is in pristine condition considering the only person who’s ever crossed it was Jesus, when he was walking on water to impress his peeps. Of course, they couldn’t follow, so it was indeed a lonely crossing for guy.

Trick Sidewalk

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Imagine walking down the road, trying to get to Sears before it closes, and the sidewalk drops suddenly by a foot. No, it’s not an accident, but a purposeful design decision, brought on by an overzealous sadist of a builder.

We’re happy to point out this builder mistake hails from the good ol’ U.S. of A! Because no one messes it up quite like we do here in ‘Murica! USA! USA!

The Ultimate Shower Crapper Combo

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I daresay, this might be the greatest invention since the greatest invention since sliced bread. I can’t remember what that middle invention was, but this toilet shower combo is history in the making.

No longer will crapping and showering be considered separate undertakings. The old saying “save water, shower with a friend” is going to take on a whole new meaning and forge new friendships unlike any seen before.

Savings Account With Security Features

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I swear, banks nowadays will do anything to keep your money! As if the Non-Sufficient-Funds Fee was not expensive enough!

This dude right here can easily reach the keyboard without having to lift his leg like that. The truth is that he had to let one rip. But really, what happened with this ATM? Did the builder run out of money before making the stairs and platform?

Mind Your Step Or You’ll Crush My Balls

 

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In the event that you realize you’re falling after having had stepped out this door, the chair is there to make sure you twist your ankle and tumble to the floor.

You’ll have fallen, and you might not be able to get up. Perhaps if your cries for help go unanswered, you can clap twice really loudly and attract the attention of a passerby. The builder in question here has completely lost his mind, and this construction makes no sense whatsoever.

M.C. Escher’s Nightmare

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To even begin to figure out what went wrong in this instance, you would need: a PhD in astrophysics, an electrical worker license, and a greater understanding of perspective than even M.C. Escher had, and that dude was crazy!

This wonderful woodwork is the latest attempt by a non-artist at reproducing Picasso’s work… in the field of construction. Needless to say, the victory crown for that feat of impossibility has not yet been claimed.

The Second Floor Leads To The First Floor

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The quickest way to get from the second floor to the first floor should be the stairs, but this construction experiment gone wrong proves that ain’t so. One step out the door will leave you at your desired destination: the first floor. Of course, you’ll be sprawled out on the ground wondering what happened.

I, personally, would love the phone number to this builder so that I can ask him what new drugs he was taking to come up with this door to nowhere.

The Original Builder Mistake

 

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Who could forget the world’s original builder mistake, the Leaning Tower of Pisa? The basic example used when troubleshooting what went wrong with construction and why, the Leaning Tower of Pisa was built hastily by an impatient builder who refused to learn anything about building on soft ground.

The shaft-shaped tower was meant to be a testament to Italy’s virility, but ended up revealing the truth behind the country’s downfall, a limp understanding of physics.

Detonating Today