“…When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab ’em by the p***y. You can do anything!” — Donald Trump
Correct us if we’re wrong, but whether you’re a star or not, “grabbin’ ’em” by that body part without permission constitutes sexual assault. You can actually be charged with a sex crime and land yourself in the sexual predator database. But what do we know? We don’t have billions of dollars.
“I’ve never really wanted to go to Japan simply because I do not like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.” — Britney Spears
While we are pretty sure there are sushi restaurants in Africa, we don’t think that’s where sushi originated. The Japanese delicacy was invented in… gasp… JAPAN! Who would have thought?! Somebody needs to get Britney Spears a desk globe so she can see where Japan is located, and while we’re at it, get her to try some really good fish dishes!
“I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman.” — Arnold Schwarzenegger
Action movie star (and former California Governor) Arnold Schwarzenegger must have had a slip of the tongue with this one! He’s always struck us as having above average intelligence. We’ll attribute this to him not noticing he made the slip up, but we do have to admit, the LGBT community was probably not happy with it.
“I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don’t know into what religion yet.” — David Beckham
No one ever thought that Victoria Beckham, Posh Spice in the Spice Girls, was very smart. It turns out that her husband, the former Manchester United and Los Angeles Galaxy soccer player, David Beckham, is not too bright either. Now we know what we’re going to get him for his birthday… a dictionary and thesaurus set.
“I’d rather be dead than singing Satisfaction when I’m forty-five.” — Mick Jagger
A long, long, LONG time ago, Mick Jagger said this extremely funny thing. We get what he was saying, since he was still very idealistic and wanted to keep his integrity as an artist intact. On the other hand, could he have known just HOW POPULAR his song, Satisfaction, would become? Probably not.
“Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it’s tuna, but it says ‘chicken by the sea.'” — Jessica Simpson
You can say that this quote from famous singer, Jessica Simpson, is not surprising because she’s a blonde, but we can tell you, for a fact, there are smart blonde people out there in the world. Maybe Jessica never heard the “chicken of the sea” expression in regards to tuna… but couldn’t she tell what it was just by the smell of it?
“I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.” — Tara Reid
With a quote like that, we’re not going to argue with Tara Reid. It would be very interesting to find out whether she really meant to put herself down, or whether she was somehow (unsuccessfully) trying to say she was smarter than Jessica. If the case is that she was going for the latter, she definitely proved the opposite.
“I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters.” — Donald Trump
First he brags about sexual assault and now he’s bragging about being able to get away with murder on Manhattan’s 5th Avenue. Shooting someone in the middle of the street is murder… or possibly attempted-murder if the person survives. The sad part is that he probably WOULDN’T lose any voters.
“I feel like every year has a new energy and I feel like this year is really about like the year of realizing stuff. Everyone around me, we’re all just realizing things. 2016, looking good.” — Kylie Jenner
If your IQ dropped by double digits after reading this quote, you should realize you’re not the only one! 2016 took so many of our favorite celebrities away from us, but why, oh why did it not take Kylie?!
“I guess I’m gonna fade into Bolivian.” — Mike Tyson
We’ll attribute this one to Mike taking one too many hits during his boxing career. But wait, a minute… he was usually the one doling out the pain and knocking people out in record time, not being someone’s punching bag. Ok, we have no more excuses for him. He’s still the champ as far as we’re concerned, but this quote is not his best one…
“Now, I can say that I still haven’t had an abortion, but I wish I had.” — Lena Dunham
If we attempted to list all the dumb celebrity quotes that have been uttered, Lena Dunham would be half the article! Instead, we’ll limit her exposure and just provide this little gem of a quote. We’re pretty sure Lena Dunham supports Planned Parenthood and the social services they provide, but we also think they cringed when they heard what she said!
“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” — Brooke Shields
This astute observation by Brooke Shields never fails to surprise us and make us laugh out loud. While Philip Morris USA was probably not happy with cigarettes being tied to death (again), they must have also had a great laugh in the board room. We bet there’s at least one person at their company headquarters with a picture of Brooke Shields and this quote super-imposed on it. One of the dumbest quotes EVER!
“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.” — Axl Rose
So, ever since reading this quote by former Guns N Roses frontman, Axl Rose, we’ve been trying to figure out how HE would have interpreted “one-on-one” relationship. All we can come up with is that he must have thought it meant that he would not sleep with more than one person AT A TIME. Nothing else makes sense, Axl, nothing.
“I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong about hitting a woman. An open-handed slap is justified if all other alternatives fail and there has been plenty of warning. If a woman is a b***h, or hysterical, or bloody-minded continually, then I’d do it.” — Sean Connery
Whether Sean Connery’s opinion on domestic abuse is something that James Bond would agree with or not (we’re not exactly clear on that…), we can honestly say that it’s not acceptable in this day and age. Granted, he said it in 1965, which was a bit more accepting of that line of thinking, but it wasn’t okay even back then… not to any normal person.
“What are you looking at, sugar t*ts?” — Mel Gibson
Something happened to Mel Gibson in the mid 2000’s where he simply lost his mind. Maybe he was crazy way before then, but at least he played it off nicely. His several brush-ins with the law were surprisingly aggressive and frankly, we’re surprise he didn’t get tased more often. This comment definitely deserved some reprisal… if only a sexual harassment charge.
“There’s nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I’m that icon.” — Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton has claimed to be the next Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana. First of all, she DOES share the same hair color as those celebrity icons, we’ll give her that. What’s different is that Marilyn and Diana never bragged about being icons and they both died prematurely.
Sarah Jessica Parker
“I love the smell of diapers. I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good.” — Sarah Jessica Parker
Wow, that way too much information, Sarah Jessica. We would prefer it if you kept your fetishes to yourself. Worst yet, lunch is just around the corner and now we have a mental image of Sarah Jessica Parker sniffing dirty diapers in secret. Yummy! We thought Huggies and Pampers disposable diapers were meant to be thrown out once used…
“First my mother was Spanish. Then she became a Jehovah’s Witness.” — Geri Halliwell
Geri Halliwell, Ginger Spice from the Spice Girls, comes from mixed heritage. Her father was English and Swedish and her mother was Spanish. Geri said that her mother USED to be Spanish, but now she’s become a Jehovah’s Witness. We had NO IDEA the witnesses now have their own nation! If its population is over 144,000, someone is getting screwed!
“It’s not that I dislike many people. It’s just that I don’t like many people.” — Bryant Gumbel
Bryant Gumbel, who worked for both NBC Sports and CBS, was always a very likable news personality. It looks like he doesn’t feel likewise about those around him. We love how he tries to pass off the above statements are being different. It’s like the difference between the glass being half-empty and it being half-full.
“I’m tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am.” — Paula Abdul
No one is going to consider you a gift from above, Paula, if you claim to be one. The thing about gaining that sort of respect is that it’s bestowed upon you by others, not by yourself. And besides, when was the last time ANYONE uttered the name Paula Abdul. While we may have written her name just now, it’s been YEARS since we’ve said it out loud!
“Osama Bin Laden is the only one who knows EXACTLY what I’m going through.” — R. Kelly
No one told R. Kelly that you should not compare yourself to a terrorist, no matter what your point might be. Comparing yourself to a terrorist will only ever have negative consequences for you. Did he think that people would feel for him if he compared himself to the leader of Al Qaeda?