August 12, 2016

Hysterical Tweets Of Things People Once Believed

Anyone Else Thought This?

chocolate milk from brown cows
Your grandfather might have been joking with you about where chocolate milk comes from and forgot to mention he was only joking. That’s the thing about adults joking around with kids. If they don’t let you in on the joke, you just might carry an Old Wives Tale with you way into your adulthood.

Where Did Chess Come From?

It’s hard to imagine how that thought got stuck in someone’s head. His last name IS King. But, that’s as far as that connection goes. Anyone else ever thought this?

This Is Too Good

The things kids think. The stork brings the baby. They come out of the mom’s belly button. Ask the next kid you see where she thinks babies come from and it’s a very good possibility you’ll hear something hilarious you’ve never heard before.

Well, She Is!

ellen the generous
It’s easy to get confused with that. Watch her show! It seems like every day she’s finding someone to give something to. And it’s not just random people. It’s normally people who can really use some help.

Uh, That Would Be A Cockpit!

It’s a pressure cooker up there. After everyone’s seated and the Fasten Seat Belt light is on, set temperature to High and let it sit for two to three hours. You can get your passengers just about anywhere in that amount of time.

Blenders Are Good For That

Of course, fitness gurus use blenders to make smoothies. People use blenders for milkshakes and some pros know how to use them to make mousse. But, there is this whole other use for a blender and the cocktails come out rather nice when you know what you’re doing.

First Time Hearing That

L M N O P have quite a few youngins screwed up when they are saying their alphabet. “Elmnopee” is a common mashup teenagers like to laugh about after they get through that young stage of just beginning to learn. But, this just might be the first time anyone said they thought it was Lemon and a Pea.

What Kind Of Dog Is That?

dog eat dog
She’s a Doggy Dog. Not your normal dog. You know, they’re just dogs. This one is a Doggy Dog, the dog of dogs.

Being Courteous Can Kill You

It’s like eating in front of people who don’t have food or driving by a friend you know has no ride. It’s just courteous to help others out. But, this one has no point. For one, whose feelings are you hurting?

It Makes Sense

Actually, that’s not all that uncommon. Some people think engineers work on engines. But, this engineer is in charge of driving. Why not? Someone has to make sure the train doesn’t get lost.

What A Strange Farmer

It’s like being asked if you think money grows on trees. Well, money is paper and paper is made with trees. True?

But, have you ever heard of a farmer making Parmesan? Of course, they make the milk and sometimes, they make cheese. But, Parmesan?

You Know You Did Too!

tennis players
When you’re young, you think a lot of things while you’re watching TV. You think the characters are talking to you when they ask a question. You think they can hear you when you’re yelling at them. You know you thought the player at the bottom of the screen was hitting the ball uphill. Admit it!

Who Didn’t?

toy story
Some people even talk about their toys coming alive at night when the lights go out. There are some toys that just can’t be trusted. Any toy with hands or hooks should be under lock and key just to be safe.

Well, It Didn’t Seem To Move

the moon
From your young perspective, you can make observations just like this one. In fact, grown adults can think things like this too. Remember when everyone thought the earth was flat and the sun revolved around it? It’s the same thing. If the moon never goes anywhere and keeps following your car down the road, it’s a perfectly logical conclusion.

How Else Would He Know?

call santa
What a way to keep your kids in check? Tell them Santa will put them on his bad list if they don’t start behaving. Then, show them the asterisk. Let them know you have him on speed dial.

This Is Too Good

Can you imagine going around calling people a butterface? She thought it was a compliment and now all of the people she called that are on meds, seeing a therapist, and wondering when they are ever going to be good enough. Good job!

Always Look At The Bright Side

no responsibility
Is the glass half empty or half full? It still has something in it and that’s all that matters.

You can watch people hustle and bustle around you while you do nothing and wonder why they push themselves so hard. Or you can think you just might be better at life than they are. You got this down and maybe they haven’t quite got it figured out yet.

“What did you do all day?”
“While I busted my [beep] doing everything, you sat around here and did nothing?”
“And I got it all done too!”

That’s Just Might Be A New One

paradise city
This has to be someone who heard the song, but was not a fan. That’s the only way to screw a lyric up like that. But, it beats that awkward moment of singing an incoherent string of sounds while everyone around you looks at you nuts. You’ve been there!

That’s Not Quite How It Works

pregnant from watermelon seeds
They told you to spit the seeds out and you didn’t. They told you again and still didn’t do it. Personally, people like spitting out the seeds. But for some reason, you just kept swallowing them. So, your mom destroyed your childhood in one swift little lie.

At least, it’s better than the alternative. That watermelons will grow in your stomach. How would you ever get them out? Once you get that image in your head, it’s hard to shake it.

Detonating Today