October 21, 2016

Married Life Tweets From Hilarious Wives

And That’s What You Get

and that's what you get
Don’t try to get sexy when she’s not in the mood. Also, try to quit bringing things up that will give her a reason to blast you. Most of the time, her mind is on those things and it’s going to take more than a text to get her out of it.

Good Thinking

good thinking
It’s a good reason. All you need is one to get your through the day without killing anyone. It might take that same reason to get you through your marriage without facing murder charges.

Her First Husband

her first husband
It’s a good joke. It’s one of those that he couldn’t get away with. But, she can have fun with it all the way up and even after the divorce.

How Common Is This?

how common is this
What husband does this? If he has a wife who is taking care of him like that, he has never been on his own, away from his mother. Maybe he needs a break from marriage and a chance to grow up a little.

It’s Good To Have The Facts

it's good to have the facts
This one escalated quickly. But, most arguments will when you’re in a marriage. Take notes and make sure you have your ducks in a row. Because, detectives do love to ask questions.

It’s Good To Know These Things

it's good to know these things
It would be nice to wait until he comes back in. But, noises are hard to find. Sometimes, the noise is the monster hiding behind the bush. Sometimes, it’s the thief hiding around the corner. Then, there are times the noise was in the movie. That’s when it gets good.

That’s A Huge Accomplishment

that's a huge accomplishment
Of course, it’s actually hard to load a dishwasher wrong. The actual hard part is doing it together. Teamwork! That’s worthy of a good college, if not Harvard.

That’s How That Works

that's how that works
The best play in the book. When you break something, be the first to put the blame on someone else. And stand strong on your accusation. It confuses the other person and that’s all you need to buy yourself some time.

What Kind Of Husband Is This?

what kind of husband is this
It’s hard to be a wife sometimes. The amount of whining they do gets erased with all the moaning and groaning husbands do about everything. So, touche! That’s about all you can say sometimes.

Those Things That Drive You Nuts

those things that drive you nuts
The little quirks might be cute at first. But eventually, everything starts to get on your nerves. Those little quirks become huge mountains. You can’t always get over a mountain.

The Struggle Is Real

the struggle is real
When you can’t eat a candy bar in peace, that’s when you know the whole marriage thing is taking a huge toll on your life. Of course, we don’t know the rest of the story. Did she share it with him or did she go along with it and make him think she was feeling a little something-something at the moment?

That’s The Simple Version

that's the simple version
Of course, any other version pretty much ends the same way. Marriage isn’t really all that complex. Two people living together always running out of milk. And when the kids come along, it gets even harder to enjoy a bowl of cereal in peace.

That’s Not Quite What He Meant

that's not quite what he meant
He left it up to her? He must have no idea that she’ll take one look at the groundhog and want to keep it as a pet. He should have done what he was going to do in the first place and said he’d do something about it. She would still be complaining about it six months later. But, at least there would be more Cocoa Puffs.

Detonating Today