September 26, 2016

Mommy Tweets That Will Have You Rolling

Who Can Relate?

who can relate

This is called a Paraprosdokian phrase. You know, where the second part of the phrase is unexpected based on the first part of the phrase? But, what mom can’t relate to this one?

Not An Olympian

not an olympian
You just have to work with what you got. We’re not all going to have geniuses. Sometimes, you have to deal with the kid putting a bucket over his head and walking right into the wall.

Good Trick

good trick
It was best for the kid, she said. He won’t even remember, she said. Then, reality hit her in the face when she realized what she was actually dealing with. Go out and get him another one just like it.

Five Second Rule

five second rule
Actually, it’s good for kids. Introducing them to germs keeps them from becoming sick as often. So, you’re doing a good thing mom! Feed your kids off the floor.

And That’s How That’s Done

and that's how that's done
That’s one that you should write down. If you don’t want to share what you’re eating with your kid, call it something they don’t like. Pie is actually a fruit casserole. That will make most kids turn up their nose.


You know how it is. You try to be nice, especially when you’re in good company and they seem to have a handle on things. But when the kids don’t listen, it’s easy to turn into someone completely different in an instant.

It Might Work

it might work
That’s it! Keep brainwashing your youngest child. You might get her to be more reliant on the father. But, I’m willing to bet it won’t work. You’ll still be the one she goes to when she gets old enough to realize who really is in charge.

How’s That For A Comeback?

hows that for a comeback
Sometimes, you just have to put a child in her place. They can come off with some real smart stuff and most of them don’t even hesitate. Give them a taste of what that’s like. You just might see a difference in them. Highly doubtful, but possible.

How? Just, How?

how just how
I know. Your child looks at you with those big round eyes and a look like he believes in you, he trusts you, he relies on you. So, you cut the M&M in half and you’d do just about anything to make it happen.

Not Sure What To Tell Ya

not sure what to tell ya
That is scary! On one hand, she could have a mad scientist in the room making concoctions that could blow up a small city block. On the other hand, she has the making of an internationally famous bank robber.

That’s What She Meant

that's what she meant
This one should get you rolling. But, the only reason her life is actually a train wreck is because she keeps everyone and everything else straight. She doesn’t have time to make sure her own life stays on track.

Think About It

think about it
Just give it some thought and you’ll get it. This is another one of those Paraprosdokian phrases. You don’t see it coming. But, then it hits you. I don’t get the problem with the airline though. Can’t they have a babysitter on board for moms?

It’s An Apology

it's an apology
That is a common problem among kids. They actually forget to care about the existence of a lot of people. But, at least she acknowledges it. She knows she has that flaw and knowing is half the battle.

Detonating Today