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July 21, 2015

Worst Analogies Ever!

1. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

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2. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm at a speed of 35 mph.

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3. He was as tall as a six-foot three-inch tree.

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4. The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

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5. Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\[email protected] but gets T:\[email protected] by mistake.

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6. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

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7. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

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8. The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object.

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9. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

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10. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

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11. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

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12. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7:00 instead of 7:30.

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13. She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

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14. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

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15. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

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16.Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

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17. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

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18. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

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H/T Ling.Upenn
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